I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
