I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
