She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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