Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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