You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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