Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
