I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
