I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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