The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i came on her dog
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
