we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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