There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
