I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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