My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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