i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
