To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
my shit smells like andre
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize