They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
