The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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