Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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