fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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