Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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