Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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