Too much gin, very little bucket
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
