Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
They have beer where we have blood.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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