There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize