When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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