I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
