Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Randomize
