I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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