in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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