We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize