we're chasing vodka with high fives
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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