One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
this is an emotional support booty call
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
