Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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