I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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