I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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