i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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