i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize