Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Randomize
