Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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