Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
