Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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