I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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