He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
