Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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