And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
