rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
did i just pee glitter
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
