Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
This baby is an asshole
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
