His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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