I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize