He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Randomize
