Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
