I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
