Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I know her cup size but not her name....
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