Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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