dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize