Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
