Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
