I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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