If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She even gives head with a lisp.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
They are going to name an STD after you.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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