dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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