I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
