Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
