How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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