I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
