She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
