We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
