I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
