Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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