we're blogging at a bar
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
