I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Even my vagina gasped.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
